And why is it so hard to express yourself. Not really. But do you stop? Of course not. You have to sort this out. You want to feel close, but things feel weird. The problem is, these techniques can miss the point and are often just a sneaky way of blaming someone else for how YOU feel. Water boils at degrees. Not on the odd occasion, but every single time. On the other hand, a coffee pot without water left on a hot element while you excitedly fill out a form β because you like filling out forms β does not boil, it just fills the room with smoke, sets off the smoke alarm, and gets so hot the handle falls of and the coffee pot gets glued together.
Your anger is a reflection of your lack of self worth around something. Even though in the heat of the moment, it never seems like it. And like any self-respecting iceberg most of the bulk lies beneath the water: a lifetime of experiences mixed with faulty interpretations. Sometimes anger is triggered by a large event, like infidelity or loss, other times it might be as simple as being asked to bake two cakes for the church fair when everyone else only has to bake one.
Your partner is your teammate, not your clone and you will naturally have different beliefs and opinions about things. But when there is rage attached, the real issue is yours. We all have our icebergs. All you have is a mind out of control.
This is why anger can be so confusing. Sometimes the initial grievance pales in comparison to how ugly your reaction is. Pitchforks in eyes have dissolved. Using all your faculties. And so we come to the berg beneath the water β the insecurity that caused you to fly off the handle in the first place. Acknowledging that your anger is your gig is a huge thing. Not letting the issue spew all over your partner is another monumental thing.
Ignoring that tirade is job enough. We live in a world that likes to analyze everything. The better way is to have a little bit of understanding and then let the healing happen on its own. Same same. But more important is to know β beneath your thoughts you love yourself completely. Beneath your thoughts you have no insecurities. The problem is only in your mind. Which is good. Because the thoughts in your head will pass soon enough.
